It’s been awhile. Summer is almost over, I just had my first cross country practice today. There’s a new girl that’s gonna be in my grade, and Vernie and I decided to introduce ourselves tomorrow. She seems really nice, hopefully Sarah/Cidney won’t ruin her. I feel as though they ruined Brooke, because I know that when she first came to the school she wasn’t as.. I don’t know. Fake, I guess. But I didn’t exactly know her, and she’s only talking to me now because Sarah turned everyone against her. But I don’t really feel like talking about that right now. 

I miss Boston. I got back on Saturday, and I miss it so much it hurts. I haven’t felt this much sadness since my grandma died, and I was 9 years old back then so it wasn’t even this depressing. I wish I’d tried harder to be friends with Gabi, Sophie, Riya, Javi, and David. I’ll call them “the group” from now on so I don’t have to spell out everyone’s names. They were so cool, I had the most fun when I was hanging out with them, but I know they couldn’t have cared less whether or not I was there. It’s because I was spread out too much, I tried to meet too many people and I didn’t establish a real friend group. I got close to Erica, and out of everyone I’ll probably talk to her the most. I actually didn’t mind Christina, she didn’t do anything to me, but I know she was clingy and whorish a lot of the time. She did talk to me more at the end, probably because the group started shunning her. I felt bad because I know how that feels. I loved the girls on my floor (11B). Everyone was so down to earth and I felt comfortable around everyone. Of course I felt pressured to make a good impression around Sophie, Christina, and Hansika at first, but by the last Wednesday I didn’t care anymore. I’m sad that Hansika and I ended the last night on a weird note, because of Sabrina and possibly the other Miami girls. We were such good room mates, and she was a good friend most of the time. But those stupid girls made her think that I was being a bitch by tweeting a joke that everyone else made a million times. Hopefully she doesn’t think badly of me now. 

I started sobbing yesterday in my room, and Steph came in wondering what the hell I was doing. I looked up the “Warren Towers” tag on tumblr and started bawling when I saw pictures of the hallway outside the lunchroom. That’s stupid, I know, but it’s where we’d all hang out the last week after curfew, and I probably spent the most time with the group there. 

I got distracted looking at scholarships and youtube videos, and I don’t want to think about Boston any more ever again because it’s so depressing. So I’ll end this here. Hopefully I’ll see some of my friends from the camp again, especially Erica, Gabi, Alexa (she showed me Finding Carter omg), Javi, etc etc. Have a wonderful evening and please wish me luck for Junior year, i’ll need it. 

Posted 4 Aug

I have a math test tomorrow morning and of course I’ve only studied a little bit and it’s already 8pm. I went to tutoring Friday morning and Ms. K was pretty helpful, she was really nice actually, and I was beginning to think that she didn’t like me. It made me feel bad that she got fired and won’t be returning next year, it really does suck for her. Steph lucked out though, she’ll be a freshman next year, brand new to Westlake, and she won’t have to deal with a type-A teacher like Ms. K. But still, it would’ve made the comparison between her first year and mine a lot more fair. If she has an easy math teacher I might cry. But the good thing is I’ll be prepared for any touch professors in college, I’ll know how to handle them and stay out of their way. 

Last night Jake’s dad drove us to a club-party, and it was definitely not as fun as I thought it’d be. I ended up kissing this guy that was hanging out with our group of friends, and I feel like such an idiot because of it. He wasn’t even that attractive, and he used such a cheesy pick up line it was ridiculous. But I figured it might make the night more fun. I was wrong, it just made me feel gross because he went straight to using tongue and I was so not prepared for that. I like small kisses, where they start out with just lips and then lead up to the tongue part. I guess I’m not a party person, I mean some girls would’ve been totally fine with that and jumped at the chance to make out with a guy and get right into it, but I find that a bit repulsive. Parties aren’t that fun. There weren’t any drugs or alcohol to get me in a better mood, just a bunch of sweaty, horny, teenage bodies dancing to techno-rap in a one story mini-club. Not that great. Maybe house parties are better? I’ll ask Jake if he can find one, and preferably one with liquor. Maybe Will will have one (haha Will will) over the summer if his parents go on a trip. He said his brother threw a few last summer, and he said he’d probably just invite his friend group and mine. And he always has some sort of alcohol and his brother can get weed, although i’m not so sure i’d want to smoke any. I’ve been a bit turned off of drugs, and even alcohol is starting to be gross. I’ve noticed that I’m becoming really forgetful and it’s scaring me just a bit; I don’t want to lose my memory, it used to be so good and it’s been decaying pretty fast. My memory is something I rely on for everything, and if there’s a chance that I’m ruining it by having a few small fun nights then I can give those nights up. 

I should really start studying for the math test, I can’t fail this one. I’ve failed the past three. No idea how I’m still passing the class honestly. If tomorrow is really bad, I’ll reward myself with a shot of something when my mom falls asleep (and I know I just said I’d lay off stuff but Monday needs something to make it nice). Anyway, wish me luck tonight and tomorrow. I’m such a loser. 

Posted 4 May


most common thought: damn haha im going to have to deal with that sooner or later

(via a-peak-into-my-mind)

Posted 4 May